To Pee or Not to Pee?

That is the question:

Whether 'tis nobler in the mind to suffer

The torture and discomfort of a full bladder,

Or to disregard the group of jackals outside

And by urinating fearlessly in the open air, liberate myself. To lie awake or to sleep?

Last night I realized a few things. First of all, stating that one is “not afraid of the dark” may change quite unexpectedly given a new context. I, for example, have boasted for years of not being afraid of the dark, and it was true. It really was...until last week.

It was my first night in Namibia and I was feeling rather proud of having successfully pitched a tent for the first time. Mid-July means winter here in southern Africa, and temperatures hover right above freezing. But thanks to twenty-seven visits to R.E.I., I was ready to brave camping in this weather. It was not even 9:30pm when I allowed myself to peacefully drift off in my silky cocoon.

But at 3am (thank you, Indigo Timex), I awoke from my slumber, despite my earplugs and 30 degree sleeping bag keeping me toasty. Why was I awake? I had to pee, of course. I lay there silently, wondering if I tried hard enough, might I be able to fall back asleep without taking the 2-minute-awfully-dark walk to the bathroom facility? Yes, I do have a head torch – but wouldn't the light make me an easier target for the animals? I silently willed my tentmate's urge to go to the bathroom to wake her from her sleep so we could go together, laughing on the way about how scared we both were.

Thirty unsuccessful minutes later, I decided I needed to take action. Perhaps I don't need to go all the way to the facilities, I thought. After all, this is all about nature, right? So I attempt and fail to quietly unzip my tent, and search for something behind which to hide. Do I turn my light off in case somebody comes outside? Or do I need to keep it on so I can watch out for scorpions near my feet? Halfway through drainage I hear the zipper open on someone else's tent. Do I stop mid-stream? Do I say hello? I've had no schooling on urinary etiquette.

I pulled my thermals up faster than a teenager and her boyfriend who just got walked in on by a parent and rushed back to my tent feeling relieved and stupidly proud. I did it! I have come a long way from the scared little girl whose father had to set up a light switch right next to her bed within arm's reach. I can handle the Namibian night. Quick note to self: early dinners and no fluids after 5pm for the rest of my trip.  : )